| i want my pa pa back... |
[02 Nov 2004|08:30pm] |
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im never online anymore so i never update. heres the deal. my grandfather died on the night of halloween. we got a call on the way to church that morning saying that my pa pa was on the floor o\unconscious and bleeding from his stomach. we went to the hospital and things didnt look good. ive never seen my daddy cry before that day. they said he had a massive hematome and they could do surgery but it probaably wouldnt help. dan came for a while and was really there for me and it helped a lot. we walked around and went to the park and watched some kids play soccer. then i went to work for a while, i just wanted to take my mind off things. later i went to dan's for a while and we gave out halloween candy, went in search of colleen, visited some people and then went to my house. we had this talk that ive been needing to have for a while and i couldnt love him anymore for it. he tells me that he loves me a lot more and thats just something i need to hear. then he left and i wrote. i wrote and wrote. i had so much on my mind. then i decided i should go to bed, school in the morning and all. at around 11 the phone rang. my mom and dad had stayed at the hospital through it all and the family decided to put him in a hospital room on morphine and let him go easy. when the phone rang, i let my brother get it, but i knew what it meant. i cried immediately. my brother came into my room where i was laying in the dark and said, are you awake? i said yes and he said its done. and that was it. i called dan and left 2 incoherent messages on his cell phone. i cried and cried some more. the next morning though i wanted to go to school. if im noy busy, then im sad and i dont want that. so i went i was almost late to first period, but i made it. i didnt tell anyonme, i still dont want people to know, but only people i really care about read this anyway...so its ok. i saw dan after first period and cried in his arms for a while, he cried too and that made me feel like gold. it was really important to me thast he cared and that he does care. i lived out the rest of the day normally. went to the 2nd period debate and got angry over the bush teams lies etc you know typical. monday afternoon dan and i went to huguenot park for a while. then i went to my grandparents house. i just wanted to leave. everything here reminds me of him. i miss him so much. i hate the way that his glasses are sitting on the table by his robe and his belt like hes coming back to put them on. i hate the way it smells like musty smoke, the way it always has. i hate that he and i used to roll our reeses wrappers into little balls and throw them into his ash tray and we did that last night. i hate being here now. it feels empty. i finally got home and i cried and cried. people brought food and stuff but i just cried. i called dan and cried some more and my dad came in the room and gave me a big hug. my dad doesnt just hug me. he puts his arm around me sometimes but hes not a hugger. in my family we always are strong, we dont hug and we definately dont cry. thats just how it it. needless to say wehn he hugged me i lost it and cried hysterically. dan knows. today we had off school though. i wanted to keep my mind off things so dan and i went to the mall and ate chinese and then went to maymont. max and colleen met us a little later there and then i came to my grandparents where i am now. im waiting for dan to come back from ryso so i dont have to think abotu this anymore. i want to get out of here. i cant eat or sleep or think. if anyone does read this, if you pity me i will hate it. just lets not talk about it. i dont want this to be my reality anymore. so please pretend its not. thank you. ill be fine. hes not suffering anymore and thats all that mattters. but i still miss him...
he used to fill my little brightly colored plastic teacups with milk and sugar and a splash of coffee and wed drink it together. we loved to watch the princess bride or dracula dead and loving it, those were OUR movies. we loved mel brooks too. we always ate reeses together he loved em. there were always cookies in the cookie jar for me but he never seemed to want one. he was a genius. he used to work for pbs as a tech guy and he was great with compuetrs. he always called my grandma rita joy or kid. he always called me dear. he and my dad both always say well hello there, whatcha know good? when they call someone on the phone. he liked to talk about anything and he knew everything about it. his middle name was alden and i love that. he was strong and kind and above all proud. we always watched stuff liek the discovery channel or hgtv and i didnt really want to watch it, but i pretended i did because i wanted to be like him. he used to let me play dress up with him when i was real little. i did his hair and he didnt mind. i hated visiting him in the hospital because he looked so weak. the past couple times i saw him i always scratched his back and he would get real quiet and say i should quit my job and just come over and rub his old bones. he was right, i could feel every bone in his body when i scratched his back. his fingernails were real long and yellow because he smoked alot near the end. i hate it that the last time i saw him he was unconscious and twitching in a hospital bed.
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| quickie |
[28 Sep 2004|02:52pm] |
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something or another |
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good day, lots to say. but im taking a nap. so well leave it at this. i danced in the rain this afternoon just because. and im desperately in love.
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| i feel crappy, oh so crappy! |
[27 Sep 2004|02:59pm] |
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glass bottle band-um this sucks |
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i cant see dan for a week. i already miss him too much. i got my class ring. i feel sick. im going to see a dermatologist friday. im excited about that. i have to work today. i am not excited about that. i have some stuff to share in a format that no one reads but im too tired now. maybe later. i want to hang out with adam kauder sometime muy soon because that kid rocks, he should talk to me about hanging...yes thats a hint! anyways im tired time to rest...bye.
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| catching up. |
[23 Sep 2004|02:41pm] |
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revive-ibl |
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well i dont get online ever anymore and that makes me sad, but i have no time. today was pleasant. in history we get graded on how funny we are and with josh green in my group thats an immediate bullseye. then i like english a lot but people arent very realistic in there. um talked to kelsey a lot, that whole situation bugs me and makes me muy sad. but if things are meant to work out they will i suppose. then chorus yay. i love singing so much. im getting so bigheaded though man. im starting to think i sound a lot better than a lot of people, which in a way makes me happy but i also realize that its bad for my ego. and then theory time whoo. i love that so very much. its incredibly fun and cool. and i really like mr. rawls. oh yeah and i wrote neil a little note of encouragement today. i love just surprising people like that sometimes. i remember him telling me he gets kinda insecure sometimes and i thought maybe i could brighten up his day a little because we dont ever see each other anymore and hes such a cool guy. i really want to hang out with him sometime...with a lot of people for that matter but i never have time. mehh. anyways im feeling good right now but i have to work tonight so BLAHHH. its ok tomorrows friday...or not all i have to look forward to is working saturday and sunday...blast. oh yeah and since tomorrow night dan doesnt have a game i thought we could hang out but whattdya know its yom kippur. so no dan. sigh. oh well things will settle down. and then ill be able to try out for the plays(even though i really wanted to do much ado...) and then choreography will start and voice wednesdays and bass fridays and everything in between will fall into place. oh yeah dan and i are going to homecoming as peter pan and wendy and i really need an outfit but i cant find one so if you can sew give me a call because i think i might just make it but ill need some help. ok thats it for now. love to mah homies!!! haha
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[18 Sep 2004|09:57pm] |
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its been awhile. lots to say and dont feel like typing it. im in love ooooo im a believer i couldnt leave (him) if i tried...life is hectic. today was nice. lazed with daniel. my parents and i bet on the cost of our chinese take out(they teach me great values) and i won and still had to pay half for the food. anyways. im tired. and i probably wont update again for a few weeks. have a nice life i guess.
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[30 Aug 2004|09:16pm] |
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the beatles-norwegian wood |
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well i guess this is where i talk about my day. after sleeping over at mollys with she and kayla, we got up early so molly could go to work. i went home called dan and we decided to go see the new jet li movie today. it was so incredibly good that i want to see it again to tell the truth. the only thing was, about halfway through it dans throat started hurting and he was feeling sick. so we went back to my house and i was like its ok maybe its because we really didnt eat all day so i thought id feed him and give him a vitamin c and some ibuprofen and hed feel somewhat better after we got plenty of liquids in him and such. well before i got inside i saw him standing in the rain looking into his car...hed locked the keys in again. so basically he was upset and feeling not so great so i fed him and all that we called his mom and watched the 3 ninjas until she could come with spare keys. then after he left i took like a 30 minute nap and woke up snapped some string beans for dinner and got that all set and then we ate. i gorged because i hadnt eaten all day and it felt nice. after dinner i loaded the dishwasher and washed the dishes by myself and then we all folded a few loads of laundry. then i went outside and watched it rain for a while. i held george parks and we kept nice and warm out there. then i came in and played my bass and then my keyboard for about a half an hour and now im here. lets take it from there...
a pretty little girl and a pretty little boy in a pretty white house on a nice green hill
she sits outside and wonders if anythings really what it seems
she watches the american flag whip around in the wind
rain drips off it at the edges and plops down on the cement
she looks out at the tree tops praying that she could watch the wind snap one off
send it hurtling towards her
she wonders what shed think in that instant
would she look back with regret and wonder where the years have gone?
shed relish that moment wouldnt she
she lets herself stare blankly past the trees
until the sky turns a pale violet and then a dark blue
finally the lights dimthe stage is cleared and the script says fade to black
she wanders coldly into the staunch, clean house
she looks up and that ceiling and shell always miss the stars
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| things ive never done that id like to do sometime: |
[27 Aug 2004|11:46pm] |
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let it be |
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1.see a movie at the byrd
2.go skinny dipping
3.leave the east coast
4.go really camping
5.a hardcore hike like that would take a full day of mountain climbing and the like
6.be in a band or sing with a little group or something like that
7.go see a real famous band play-i saw bonnie rait when i was tiny but id like to go to a REAL concert sometime
8.tickle someone so much that they pee themself
9.laugh while im drinking til it comes out my nose
10.get caught making out and endure the awkward moment trying to explain
11.wear something totally scandalous just for shock value and have an administartor at school ask me to cover up
12.actually be a part of some big drama that needs resolving and have it be resolved by all parties involved in a civil manner that works out for everyone
13.spend a whole lot of money on one item that i could probably do without just to be extravagant
14.impress someone without even trying
15.leave someone speechless
16.pull an allnighter to study for a test and then ace it without sleep
17.make a movie-preferably about a guy who hits me with a car in mexico while he and a dirty mexican vie for my affections
18.do somethign just because instead of having such a set pattern...i wanna be more spontaneous.
i wish things wouldnt fall into an apathetic little rut. i miss some of the vibrancy. i miss the prying and the newness. i miss confidence in peoples selves and i miss class. i dont like being picked last and ive never been picked first...i wish i knew how that felt. ive never been the best at anything or astounded someone with my talent at...whatever it is i may have a talent for. i never know what to say how to say it or when its appropriate. ive never been a classic and ive never been an original im just somewhere in between and noones ever appreciated that. i hate it when i say somethign stupid or mean and people give me that look...you know the one. i hate reading an online account of peoples lives instead of being a part of them. i wish i could make an impact. i wish i could show people just what they mean to me. i hope that someday ill be able to cry in public and not care at all, just accept that i have emotions and that i am vulnerable...yeah i said it, i am. and i dont care anymore. dont mind me...i do this alot...
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| le sigh |
[27 Aug 2004|12:11am] |
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nada |
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tonight was too fun for my own good. dan, tim, elizabeth, rachel,michael, david, ian, eileen, and bard. enough said. fun times and mad libs. thanks for lettign the good times roll. until tomorrow i bid you adieu.
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[25 Aug 2004|11:27pm] |
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my stomach growling |
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lets see. last night dan and i went on a date. i felt like we were an old married couple, finally away from the kids (i.e. lunch with brad max colleen austin the mackenzies and assorted other people) it was great. we went to bottegas bistro and our waiter was the coolest guy ever. he asked us to look at the wines and dan goes uhh were not 21 and he was like really? i wouldnt have even carded ya. apparently i, who happen to be short boobless and by all standards "cute" look old enough to legally buy cigarrettes and alcohol. yeah. pshaw. then afterwards we went to brusters for icecream which we mostly wasted despite the starving people in lithuania or wherever. today i worked from 1 to 8 with evlyn. thats how she says it. mary is muurry. and erin is errrrrn. it makes me chuckle. anyways no dan in the forecast for today. alas. tomorrow barnes and noble time. yes youre invited. sure just show up. i get off at 8 be there after that. then friday is the band banquet. woooo. free food. oh and band. yay. saturday is colleen's party and hopefully before that shopping for colleen's presents. so yes. this is my life. ugh. i sure hope it shapes up soon. only kidding i love you guys!
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[23 Aug 2004|11:40pm] |
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you can bet its big band jazz |
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i dont understand today. im not sure it happened to me. i wasnt myself and i was afraid all day. im afraid that if im honest with people theyll judge me and question our relationship, im afraid that im losing myself and some of my friends, im afraid that nothing i do is ever good enough, fun enough, cool enough whatever. call me insecure, but youd be wrong. im secure in myself just not in anyone else. we talked about a lot of things at the pool, and that was good i suppose, but i get the feeling that people never really know how i feel, despite the fact that i tell them all the time. i cant remember the things that i should but i know the things that dont matter anymore. i want something plausible. i dont know what i want or what i should be. at my grandparents i got so scared just seeing them. i got scared when i heard the way my pa pa had his complete wits about him and i was perplexed that hes ok with dying. i feel like hes accepted his death already and im terrified of that. when i hugged him i could feel every bone in his body and his color reminded me of sour milk. then at barnes and noble i realized that i dont know who i am. i wanted to be fun and spunky and have a great time with dan and max, but that didnt happen. i felt like the whole time i was trying to be somebody for them but im not that person. i dont know why i was trying, i really dont care, i dont think, but it hurt to push so hard. i think ive strained myself. i asked dan what i should be when i grow up. perhaps i just wont grow up at all. i hate all this responsibility. i dont want to be responsible for anything, and i shouldnt be. he said art...writing or music, probabaly teaching. things arent always what they seem...i could never do that. i dont have time money or talent so whats left? things dont change anymore, its all the same. yeah why cant life be simple and emotionless? i dont know why i share myself here and nowhere else, maybe because here its safe no one ever has to know, yeah, i like that.
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| look at the stars |
[22 Aug 2004|11:22pm] |
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dan's song |
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so last night dan came over and at 9 we made pancakes and watched jurassic park. tongith, after work i came home ate dinner with the fam and then dan came. he sang me a song he wrote about me and the folksy gutiar part was so incredible. i really really like it. and then we layed on a blanket under the stars. it was just really nice ya know? we talked and looked up at the sky and watched bats fly by. it was too cool. in case you didnt know, i have this star obsession. theyre in all my poems i daydream about stars and stuff. call me a geek. i dont care. umm tomorrow im watching the fred astaire ginger rogers musical marathon on tcm...dont bother me!then at night going to the grandparents for a big family eat together...or get together, whichever. anyways. i love you and want to hang out with you. seriously. give me a call. if you need my number (794-1864) then there it is. love love love. oh yeah if you want to come with me and/or gove colleen and i a ride to band camp tuesday, please contact me!
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| STICK IT TO THE MAN |
[18 Aug 2004|11:05am] |
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its better than what youre listening to! aaron and ryan yea |
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yesterday was one of those nights that makes you feel so symbolic. the pond was lovely and landscaped with the grass trimmed to just the right length and the birds fluttering overhead. the colors of sunset danced across the water. it felt like an independent filmi know thats silly but it did. then we went to mcdonalds afterward. i left the house so full i couldnt eat another bite at 6. at 8:30 i was hungry again. so i had a double cheeseburger plenty of fries some of mollys chicken mcgrill and a vanilla shake. apparently lee and brett are the authority on lady like behavior and apparently my eating habits are not lady like. who knew? then i went home and called dan. i talked to him for an hour mostly about band stuff. i let him vent and helped him through stuff. it was so nice. then i called colleen back finally. we talked until 11:30 when we both realized what time it was and were like WHOA! CLICK! and that was a grand ole time. now though i must go get ready to go into work early....meaheherearfsdrsdvhfgfjh. no i dont want to, but i have to, i need the money to buy my babay. thats the teal plymouth that they only want 1800 for. i want her. ooh baby mamas coming for ya!! hahahaha ballman/cummings hahahahaha
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| im not planning on marrying, dont freak out. im just thinking out loud. |
[17 Aug 2004|03:15pm] |
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they say a diamond is forever you know. i dont want any. i have some tiny diamond earrings i got when i was born, but i dont want anything else. i dont want a diamond wedding ring with a pltinum band and a delicate cut. when i get married i hope my fiance knows that i want to have my mom's wedding ring. its tiny and lovely. my dad bought it for her at a pawn shop while he was still in the military and they couldnt afford anything else. still, its the most beautiful ring ive ever seen. it looks handsome on my finger and it feels like an heirloom and i love that. i tried to make a wedding ring on the internet but it didnt look quite right and the price was too high and i dont know how it would look on me. dont mistake me, i dont want to get married right now, not even soon, but if i ever do, you better believe that i won't have the best in cut shape color and quality, ill have the best in sentiment. dont ask me why this came over me today, because i dont know.
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| this is the part where i say something witty? |
[17 Aug 2004|02:48pm] |
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frank sinatra |
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i think i very much hate the city
i hate its neon flashing lights and pointy shoes and boys on bikes
i hate the way the signs all scream
the billboards shout and buildings gleam
i hate bumper to bumper touch and go
on nice black streets with splotchy lines and nothing to show for it
i dont like the artistry it boasts
the rich keep begging and the poor's fancy toasts
the air tastes like hot sick and smells much worse
and people with no regard for anything blow smoke into wrinkled sad faces
with fashionable purses where dreams arent the basis for anything
they walk on the sidewalks where the grass gasps for air
but there is none
yet nothing could compare to new york new york
yeah its true i walked the streets today in my little town
trekked through the woods to find myself
back where i started from
its just begun
theres no end to where that road leads so dont slow down
why slow down unless you want to stop?
i think if i had my choice id rather walk
to take my time to be kind and rewind
theres a dead end coming real soon i swear
but still, its never nice to stare even when every town becomes "the only town
where dawn's turned on by an electrician"
yeah marlon brandeau said it best he knew what i see
the litter on the concrete belongs to me so ill take it home where it belongs
garbage should really stick together because sometimes youve got no one else.
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[16 Aug 2004|11:32am] |
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dcfc-the lightness |
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what if you wake up in the morning and want something else?
my touch wouldn't feel so soft, my eyes a little less blue
you told me i was beautiful
you dont think so today?
you'd rather kiss some other fingertips
i hope they taste like tomatoes
i want that to be your nightmare tongiht
i want you to cry out in your sleep for me
just for tonight, anticipate the way ill hold you
ill whisper in your ears the things that make it okay
remember that i need you forever
you had your chance to change your mind
if you don't see tomorrow, i pray you won't regret
because things fit just right for me
like sharp edges on tender places
it hurt the way i needed this too
you taught me to believe in something
even though i still dont know what
my life is in you paper cup
be careful with me.
last night we went to david's show at the nanci raygun. it was excellent and i fell in love with the stuff the guys from imaginary baseball league played. before we went my mom locked her keys in the car so we went to the village cafe and had milkshakes. it was so much fun the show was great. dan held me tight and kissed me gently. it was so wonderful to spend the night with my three very best friends. afterwards dan and i went back to my house and ended up laying on my bed listening to the cd he made me and i just cried. i couldnt help thinking what am i going to do when he decides hes ready for something else? we didnt say anything for a good while. he held me close and i choked back tears for hours. i would let one go and turn away really quickly so i could wipe it before it fell. his eyes were red too...
i know no one cares about my sappiness, but ive never cared so much about one person. what am i going to do when my life goes back to the way it was? when i cried on the bathroom floor so no one would bother me and no one would hear. i would write things in my journal and be terrified that someone would find them and know how i really felt. im still terrified because a lot of times i still feel that way. but he makes things better. swallow him like a pill and it still hurts a little but things are 80% easier.
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[13 Aug 2004|10:52am] |
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...brand new....shut yo mouth...its good stuff, ya i said it |
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wow. its been awhile. i havent had a chance to update ive been way busy. first of all, as of tuesday i officially have my 90 day provisional license yay! ive been working every day trying to make some dinero. NOTE TO SELF: SWITCH INTO AFRICAN AMERICAN LIT WITH EILEEN FROM TYPING anyways, afterwards ive been hanging out with dan, wednesday was our 3 month anniversary awww. it was probabaly the best day of my life. he came to my house looking fab and brought me a bouqet of flowers (all gorgeous but not roses because i dont like those) and he made me a cd of totally awesome love type songs. it spans all genres and its the best cd i own currently. he was dressed in a suit and i wore my strapless a-line pale pink dress with the polka dots and all day people asked us if we were part of some 50s thing or something. so then we went to windy hill and played putt putt. by the way, their putt putt sucks big time but we had so much fun. i won...well i think, we stopped keeping score haha. then when we were supposed to hit the balls down that bottomless hole...oh no we did not. we took em over to the driving range part and hit out balls out there. needless to say they went like 500 yds. and we were given professional golfing contracts. or they didnt go 5 ft. i dont remember which. then we went to panera and ate it up. then i saw molly. shes cool. ok that didnt really happen, but shes still awesome. anyways we got the lady behind the counter at panera to take our picture. then we went to the mall and got our pictures taken in one of those black and white strip photo machines. then we played video games in the arcade. we definately spent like 7 dollars in the arcade. we played his favorite game and then a racing game and star wars and a saweeeeetttt secret mission shooting game that i know love. then we went back to my casa and i got ready for vbs and i convinced him to go with me that night. this is the part of the story where we really saw molly. shes awesome. yay. we taught the little hellions some music...kind of. and then after that we went to mollys and watched aqua teen hunger force! yeahah. yeah so that was a great day. last night molly and dan and i watched kill bill BUT WILL WAS A BIG FAT JERK AND SPENT THE NIGHT AT ZACH'S CASA WHAT A MEAN RUDE AWFUL HORRIBLE THING TO DO. I HOPE HE DIES. OK NOT REALLY, BUT GEEZ, WHAT WAS HE THINKING? so now its about time for me to shower and get ready for work, ill be there until 8 so come and visit if ya wanna ya know, drive to powhatan. you do. i know you do. anyways yeah. good week looking forward to an even better one...ok yeah not possible but it could happen right? well actually molly pointed out that weve had a week full of bastard spawn of satan children so a week devoid of them will be fabulous. yay. that is all.
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[07 Aug 2004|11:01am] |
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the aquabats-lovers of loving love |
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ive had a lovely week. behind the wheel everyday, then dan would pick me up. we did lots of different fun stuff everyday. lets see. we went to b&n he brought me breakfast some days. we watched fantasia. got the ska van fixed. went to salvation army with heather thereby making me late for work. ate lunch with his dad. wandered around stony point in the rain. watched spirited away and the bourne identity. and yesterday we showed up at mollys and i treated my two best buds to breakfast at ihop(oh so delicious) and then we played with the animals at petsmart. then after that sorta thing dan would drop me off at work. i get off at 8 so after that dan would come over or wed do something. one night we bowled a game with my brother but king pin apparently closes at 9 during the week. who knew? then one night we went to bryce's and bryce dan and tim made nachos which were divine and we watched the part of the bourne identity where the first assasin jumps out of the window OVER AND OVER in slow motion and then fast and we laughed the whole time. and dan and i smelled things with bryces little brother who is the funniest kid in the world. then last night we went and saw the bourne supremacy. everyone else bailed on us so dan brought me some frozen mini pizza things to eat and it was just the two of us. the movie was good but the company was better. i was cold and tired and fidgety. and i think im the only person in the world who liked the first one a little better than the second. on the way home i kept kind of falling asleep because i was so tired and when we got out at my house, we stood looking up at the stars. he was so sweet he made me cry. i dont think ive ever felt so loved in all my life. i am deeply madly desperately in love with him. im such a sucker for this stuff sometimes but i cant help it...im in love.
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[02 Aug 2004|09:17pm] |
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things are really strange and confusing right now you know that? ok ill run through a few things as quickly as i can, but i do tend to ramble ya know. ok at yec the day we went to king's dominion some crazy stuff started happening again. i sat up at the top of the eiffel tower, pressed against the seafoam green bars with a pretty little breeze blowing. you wouldve thought things were perfect. but for some reason my mind wandered away from me. i was crushing people below between my fingers when i started to imagine the tower crashing to the ground. i like visualized myself falling to the ground and missing the trees and grass to crunch onto the asphalt. i imagined the instant shock and then the euphoria of death. i wondered if id care at all. then i started kinda willing it to happen. it didnt. but i wanted to die so badly while i was up there. i dont know why. then another thing happened. the next day at georgia lees funeral i found myself nearly asleep the whole service. it was short, and pretty soon we all stood to watch em wheel out the casket. while i stared blankly at that glossy box i became...well jealous. the flower arrangement on top was the most beautiful thing id ever seen, i think it might've been perfect. and i wanted to be in her place. i wanted all the attention to be on me, everyone crying and sobbing. i know itd hurt them for a while but after a month or so, people forget. i know everyones going to freak when they read this. dont get crazy. im just admiting this stuff, im not going to commit suicide. but if i did die tomorrow i think thatd be ok. id miss dan and molly a lot. but the rest of you would all stop caring after a while because thats just how things are. im in love with the most amazing boy ive ever met and i have wonderful friends, but i still feel all alone a lot of the time. is it crazy to think that i want to spend forever with him? maybe thats a big stretch for so soon. but when he was gone i got lost and when he came back i was found again. thats a scary thought. i have to do it again. i know no one wants that, but i do. we need to talk everyone. please?
song: shes got a way about her
i dont know what it is
but i know that i cant live without her
that one ya know?
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[30 Jul 2004|12:47am] |
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1 day of yec down 1 and a half to go. today sucked. basically. i liked walking the sidewalks of rva in the rain and i think that was one of the best things that happened. the speaker was a crazy evangelist guy who said we were all going to hell if we didnt change. yeah unpleasant. the worship leader that leads the songs and plays guitar is incredible though. her voice is magnificent. anyways day 2 is tomorrow. im at mollys for the night and i need to talk to her and get some rest. so this si goodnight.
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[28 Jul 2004|09:59pm] |
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so its crazyness. i love my job. its fun and the people are cool. but i have to work too much. im missing the dame seeto show probaably and davids show and a day of vbs. but i dont know its silly but i really feel like im doing something good. the customers are great and its like im helping people ya know? today there was this little girl on her mothers hip as the mom walked down the aisle. she was adorable. she kept turning and looking at me and then turning back toward her mom. then i smiled. and she turned back at her mother again. so when she turned back around again, i smiled again. then, she lifted a pudgy little arm and outstretched her fingers and, with some difficulty, managed to wag her plump little hand back and forth. so i waved back and then she turned back around again. the next time she turned she put her fingers to her lips and with a beaming smile blew me a big fumbling kiss. i blew one back and we kept that up until her mother came to me to pick up the child's perscription. the mother looked so different from the child. to say it plainly, she was rode hard and put up wet. i guess i just kinda feel like i brought those two healing. its weird i know. whatever. so yec starts tomorrow. and brett has senior pictures tomorrow morning. i hope this is good. neil has a show on the 23rd at the nanci raygun (note to self and other people who i want to come with me). ugh i need some time to myself. but i want to be with everyone. things are strange...
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watrcolordaisys's journal